Altars Without Prayer

8/11/2025

I was there for her,
entirely—
every breath, every night,
like a lighthouse that never goes dark.

She only ever came halfway.
Half of her in my arms,
half of her somewhere else—
a shadow I could never touch.

Still, I held on to that half
like it was the whole world.
Because when you love someone,
you convince yourself
that even scraps are sacred.

I stood beside her
when the world emptied its pockets
and left her with nothing.
I carried her burdens
without asking her to carry mine.
I told myself love wasn’t a transaction—
that giving was enough.
That one day, she might see me.

But when my own sky split open,
when the walls shook
and my voice was nothing but breaking glass,
she turned toward that missing half of herself—
the part that was never mine to begin with.

I watched her walk away from me,
not out of malice,
but out of absence.
She was never all here.
Not once.

And I realized
I had been loving a version of her
that existed only in my mind.

In truth,
I was alone the whole time.

But still—
when they ask me why,
when they can’t understand
why I stayed through the imbalance,
why I drowned for someone
who never learned to swim for me—

I tell them the truth.

I loved her.
And I never asked
for the same.

Because some loves
aren’t built on fairness.
Some loves
are just altars you keep lighting,
even when no one is coming to pray.