What I Want, I Cannot Hold

7/27/2025

What I want
lives in a world
just beyond the one I walk.

I see its outline
in fogged windows,
feel it in dreams that break
before they can finish.

It is not mine—
not because I don't want it enough,
but because wanting
was never part of the bargain.

So I move
through alleys that forget the sun,
hands in my pockets,
eyes chasing ghosts.

Sometimes
I pretend I have it.
A moment borrowed from nowhere—
the warmth,
the peace,
the way the air might feel
if things had been different.

And for a second,
I almost believe.

But it fades,
as it always does,
and I’m left walking
beneath a sky that doesn’t look back,
beside walls that know my silence.

What I want
is out there—
or maybe it never was.

Still,
I walk.
Not toward it,
not away.
Just... forward.

Because not even the dark
waits forever.